I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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