I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
