I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
