Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
