She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
