If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
