She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I need a burrito and a hug.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
