Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
