He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
