I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
