she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
