Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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