apparently the secret to your success is patron
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
