I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
