need another drink. this is the easiest way
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
