whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
