im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
