I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
