So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
