Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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