just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
