Life is so much better after having sex.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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