Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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