We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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