I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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