Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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