He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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