she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
