You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
