After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
