My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
