i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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