i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
