i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
