I wish I could teleport
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
