Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
