it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
