I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
