If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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