do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
