Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
