thus making me awesome and them whores
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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