Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
