Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
