best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
