I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
