my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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