who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
