Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
