# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We left the knife in your bed.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
