does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
