Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
