So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
