My friends, they love my intelligence
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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