i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
