My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
