DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
