dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
